Grief

Grief isn’t straightforward; the phases don’t always go in sequence. A person can experience any of the phases at any time after a loss and it isn’t something that only occurs when someone experiences a loss due to a death. It can occur when there is a life change such as a job loss, a break in a friendship, or a move. There isn’t a set time for how long grief lasts or how a person goes through the phases of it. I’ve lost several people over the years and have experienced loss in other ways. I’ve had several concussions which have impacted me and continue to impact me years after (and likely will continue to impact me for the rest of my life). I’ve had to grieve the losses of people and of the way I could do things before my concussions. I thought that the way a person grieved their first loss would be the same way they’d grieve subsequent losses, but over the years I’ve learned that isn’t the case. It is more complicated than I thought it was and each time it feels different and follows a different path, lasts a different length, and impacts you differently. It can feel some days like you will be okay. Other times you’re are feeling okay about things and in a second you can hear something that reminds you of the loss or the person and it all comes flooding back. One of the challenges with grief is that it’s something people don’t really understand or know how to be there for when someone is grieving. Grief can also be isolating because the people around us aren’t sure what to say or how to help so often they will overcompensate and say things that aren’t helpful or say nothing and distance themselves from you. The way the people around you react and how they do or don’t communicate after the initial time following only makes grief harder. It feels more isolating as time goes on and others seem to move on faster which can leave a person feeling like they can’t say anything to anyone about their experience and how the loss is still impacting them beyond the first few weeks. This is partially a societal thing in that as a society we have decided that grief has an end date and that the experience or impact should be over after a matter of weeks depending on the nature of the loss. I’ve learned that just because society thinks grief should be done within weeks doesn’t mean it will be. This norm society has created only makes grief harder to work through, as the support from friends and family seems to fade.

Grief isn’t linear and doesn’t have a time limit, AND it is okay to have good days or good moments while you are grieving.

- Written by: C