My past was meant to destroy my future… but here I am today.
From Destruction to Reconstruction!
Full disclosure, it was only recently that I overcame my debilitating 30 year addiction with alcohol and substances. It has been an ugly and messy journey and I am still healing but I thank God everyday that I am not where I used to be!
I can't explain the crippling effects my choices have had on my life. I honestly felt like I had many different people living inside me. The leader; the badass; the resourceful and resilient mom of four. But then, there was also the follower; the people pleaser; the traumatized sexually exploited survivor; and the undercover alcoholic. I was sinking to the bottom of a bottle and I didn't think I would ever be able to save myself from drowning. I didn't realize that I was trying to fix a disaster by creating a catastrophe. The insanity of it all! I hit rock bottom (twice) and only by God's grace am I here to unapologetically share this with you.
Darker days are just as much a part of life as the good days that are graced with sunshine and I have learned to embrace them both. I am in the midst of overhauling my entire life (as so many of us are) starting by being brutally honest about who I am, who I was, and who I intend to be. Do I have it all figured out yet? Absolutely not. I am human, I make mistakes, I curse, I allow my emotions to get the best of me sometimes and I still catch myself overthinking the crap out of some things; but I am not ashamed to admit that because I never will be perfect. What I am is living proof that people can change, rise above their heartache, addiction, and trauma, and transform into the masterpiece they were created to be.
My past was meant to destroy my future but instead I turned my pain into my purpose. I had to dig deep and uncover the blessings in each lesson and grant myself permission to heal. We only get one life my beautiful friends, just one. TIme goes by no matter what you do so why not challenge yourself to live blissfully happy. Take bold, deliberate, intentional action towards living your best life and only look back to see how far you've come! Cut off anything and anyone who disrupts your peace. I had to teach myself how to love again and forgive those that weren't even sorry. It is definitely not an easy thing to do but I recommend trying it when you're ready. For me, being addicted to healing is far better than being addicted to hurting.
A Fresh Start Isn't A New Place, It's A New Mindset!
I am hoping that this blog post will help other women realize that it is more than okay to own who you are and not feel the need to have to apologize for it. Like the earth, you are made up of many different facets that the world has yet to discover. You are a sight to behold and you attract wonder. You are powerful whether you stand there silently or make incredible waves. Remember that your worth is not up for negotiation. Master your mindset and take your power back! Healing can be messy but I believe breakthroughs can manifest from breakdowns, bad chapters can still create amazing stories and wrong paths can still guide you to the right destination. I absolutely understand that every single person is on their own unique journey and in no way am I saying this path is easy. I am simply trying to offer words of empowerment and encouragement as you transition into your transformation, whatever that may look like.
Written by: Anonymous