Sexual Violence is never your fault.
Recently there has been a lot of talk about sexual harassment and assault. I have been trying to write this for a while and even though I feel very passionately about the subject I found it hard to find the right words. Although this has been something women have been dealing with for years, it is finally becoming a major topic of conversation. As terrible as it sounds, I had become accustomed to the idea that sexual assault is just something that happens to women and I know a lot of other women in my life feel this way as well. The fact that we have been taught to expect it is honestly disgusting and says a lot about the society we live in. The fact that sexual assault has become normalized to happen to women suggests that it is our fault. This is something I really want to address because it is completely false, yet very damaging to people who have experienced sexual violence.
Survivors should know that being sexually harassed or assaulted is NEVER their fault. We need to stop beating ourselves up thinking “If I wasn’t wearing that” or “if I had taken a different route home” or “I should have had pepper spray”. This is a mindset that is embedded in society and needs to be changed and blame needs to be shifted to the assaulters rather than victims. There is nothing you could have done differently because being assaulted is not due to your actions; it happens because the perpetrator chose to assault you.
Sexual violence is experienced in different forms by every one and often times perpetrators try to justify or write off their actions. It is important to educate people to realize that being cat called is not taken as a compliment by women; it often scares us. Saying no to sexual acts and giving in after being coerced is not consent. Everyone has the right to create and set their own boundaries and no matter the circumstance, boundaries need to be respected. Nobody else has the right to your body or to make choices for you.
However, as women we know these things and there is only so much to be said between one another. While we should of course continue to believe survivors and support one another, at the end of the day we have done everything we can. It is time for men to take action and show support for the women in their life. Even if as a man you treat women with the utmost respect, if you know someone who has assaulted a woman it can no longer be justified by “he’s generally a good guy” or “he was just drunk”. It is time to stand up to your friends, call them out for their sexist comments, for their unwanted actions. It is time we start changing the mindset of all men out there because this problem is now out of the hands of women. We have tried wearing modest clothing, we have tried walking fast, we have tried avoiding going out alone or at night, but nothing will truly change until men take responsibility for their actions and change their behaviour.
On that note I want to remind anyone reading this who has been assaulted that you have an army behind you, you are never alone, and we believe you!
-Written By: Anonymous